On the subject of the world:

Welcome to the world originally known as Zogg. Strange name it is indeed. This world, originally known as Zogg, has changed names so many times that it would prove difficult to actually pin any name to it and have it recognized amongst its entire, diverse population. But all the creatures who inhabit this land know that it was once called Zogg. Mind you, there are many races that are not proud of this fact and have, since then, come up with much fancier names and descriptions to make the same place sound more in line with their whimsical standards. But none of this capriciousness matters. The fact remains: once, long ago, the world was named Zogg.

In fire and flame, under the burning skies the first Dragons were born. Dragons were large, they were powerful, their wings would blot out the sun and their fiery breath was stinky and smelled of sulfur. The first two Dragons became best friends and would always spend time together. Unfortunately that time was quite brief because the Dragons were very large and there was really nothing to eat. So, they died in a platonically loving embrace. And as their corpses aged, they became dirtier and rockier and finally came to shape this here world.

Oh, don’t you fret, dear reader, there were more Dragons. But the new Dragons were much smaller than the originals. The second race that graced this world was Zogg. Ah, you are starting to see how this world got named. You are absolutely correct. Where Dragons were smart, vicious and cunning, Zogg were pretty much walking vegetables. They could only utter two things; first was ‘zogg’ and the second was ‘AHHH!’ They saved the latter for very painful or very happy moments. The Dragons, as smart as they were, couldn’t actually verbalize anything. So, because the Dragons couldn’t actually say anything, it was a good idea to name the world Zogg rather than ‘EEEEEEEAAAIIIIEAAEEIIAIAAEEII!!!’ which would be the best guess at how to spell a Dragon’s screech.

As they were born, the concept not much different from a modern day zucchini, Zogg were tall, green creatures. They barely required food or water. They could survive for weeks on one blade of grass and one drop of dew. The Zogg also didn’t know what they should do with their lives and so they just wandered around aimlessly in hopes of figuring it out. But there was just so little to do, back in those times that not a single Zogg managed to come up with a single solid idea. Also the Zogg were lazy creatures and it would probably have taken them eons to actually come up with one word, forget about a well thought out idea.

On evolution:

The Dragons liked the Zogg. Most of the Dragons preferred the Zogg to be well done. Some Dragons, the higher society as they considered themselves, preferred Zogg medium rare. The Zogg race was quite plentiful and replicated quickly, so the Dragons could simply munch on Zogg on their way to work or whatever Dragons did at that time.

Obviously, it goes without saying, that when you eat the same meal day in and day out you tend eventually get bored of it. And thusly, the Dragons grew tired of devouring the Zogg. There were many experiments and different Zogg kitchens that formed in the attempts to rekindle the excitement of Zogg consumption. New dishes were created: things like Zogg with trees, Zogg with dirt, Zogg with Zogg. It was all very strange but unfortunately there just wasn’t enough zing to keep the Dragons satisfied with their sole food option.

The Orcs:

As if by request, the nature began to transform the Zogg. It was a slow process at first, but it caught on quickly. The first race that Zogg sprouted into was the Orc. There was no term for Orc back then, so they just called themselves Zogggrr. The Orcs retained the skin pigmentation of their forefathers, but they were smarter and much more aggressive. Slowly, the Orcs began to develop their own language and listening abilities. Some weak ideas began to formulate. Their first idea was that they did not enjoy being nibbled upon by the Dragons. Their second idea was that they liked digging. How they came upon that idea, no one really knows. Consequently, both ideas worked together wonderfully and the Orcs began to form underground communities in order to escape the Dragons.

The Halflings:

It also needs to be said that Orcs have learned compassion for their vegetable-like forefathers. Little by little, the new race was taking the old race with them. But living in small, cramped and cold places underground had sparked another evolutionary phenomenon. The Halflings or as they were known back then: Haha-Zoggs, came into being. Why Haha? Because Halflings were small, and the Orcs found that funny. Most Halflings were able to exist in places where Orcs couldn’t fit or wouldn’t want to fit. The cold dark dwellings of the underground directed the evolution and dictated that Haha-Zogg grew fur in places where fur shouldn’t have grown. In time, the little furry buggers became rather fond of their size and fuzziness. They began to gather in secret in some of the smallest crawlspaces that the underground could provide. The Halflings began to think that the smaller the space the more privileged was the gathering. A myth began to circulate of three hundred Halflings that held a seven day long gathering beneath a very small rock. The story grew in popularity and the Halflings slowly began to develop a rather elitist outlook. They began to shun the Orcs for their size and brutish nature. This lead to many confrontations between the two species. The conflict escalated to the point where the Orcs and Halflings could no longer live together. Elitist and snobbish as the Halflings were, they left the underground claiming it smelled funny and they were above it. Because of their stunted nature, they were able to thrive and explore the outside world without much fear of being seen by the Dragons.

The Elves:

As the population of Zogg dwindled, the Dragons began to starve. Many died. Fear and panic spread through the Dragon community. A town hall meeting was held to address the issue. The meeting lasted for seventeen days. On the eighteenth day, few of the smaller, weaker Dragons came up with a brilliant idea. They decided that in order to stretch the food supplies and encourage growth among the Zogg, smaller appetites were in order. Most of the community agreed and the motion passed. To achieve smaller appetites, the Dragons used magic to transform their bodies into much smaller, frailer bodies that required only a fraction of sustenance. The magic back then was merely experimental and none of the Dragons could foresee its affects. The group that proposed the motion took it upon themselves to go first. When the spell was cast, the Dragons’ wings fell off, their scales turned soft and pink, and their horns turned to hair and thus the first Elves were born.

The Dwarves:

Upon seeing the puny, frail forms before them, the bigger, stronger Dragons refused to go ahead with the transformation. They demanded further work and experiments to be done. The Elves, their power being a fraction of what it was, were not used to feeling as weak as they did. They no longer could fry a Zogg because they no longer breathed fire, they could no longer rip a Zogg apart with their powerful jaws because they didn’t have that either. They actually found that eating a raw Zogg made them feel uncomfortably ill.

While all of this was happening, the Halflings discovered the Elves and took ample opportunity to observe them from a distance. They became fascinated that this soft, squishy race wasn’t being torn apart by the Dragons. In fact, from what the Halflings could make out, the Elves were working with the draconic oppressors. After many debates, the Halflings sent a delegation to the Elves. And thus politics came into being. Many still rue this day.

The two races met cordially. At first, language barrier was a rather steep wall to climb. After many attempts at dialogue pictures and charades took over and everything became a lot more entertaining. The Elves, didn’t perceive the Halflings as food and the Halflings did not see the Elves as winged sources of all discomfort. Still, the Elves thought it wiser not to disclose that they were once Dragons, especially not to a race who was once Zogg. The two races discussed their diets, the evils of staying out in the sun for too long, their mutual dislike for the Orcs and best ideas for house construction.

Some way into the conference, a rather angry delegation of Orcs arrived. It turned out that they have been watching the Halflings who have been watching the Elves. The Orcs, being the first descendants of the Zogg, did not want to be left out of what could possibly become a worthwhile enterprise. A lot of arguing ensued.

Each race felt superior to the other. The Elves saw Orcs and Halflings as yesterday’s lunch, the Orcs saw Elves and Halflings as newer races, therefore dumber and much less advanced. The Halflings saw Orcs and Elves as tall and cumbersome creatures who would never be able to fit in with their most exclusive and popular leaders. After many excruciating hours of argument, the Elves proposed a magic spell. Ten members of each race were to be selected and used to be fused together to form a brand new race of politicians who would have everyone’s best interests in mind.

Begrudgingly the Halflings and Orcs agreed. Days passed and the ten representatives from each race were brought together. The spell took a while to cast, but it looked very pretty with many elves chanting in white robes and colorful star-like shapes flying everywhere. It was like watching many stars fall from the sky at the same time. When the spell ran its course, a new race was born. Unfortunately the Elven spell had failed once again. The new race inherited the height and snobbishness of the Halflings, the skin color and the love for politics from the Elves, and the brawn and love for digging from the Orcs. They also inherited draconic appetite, a trait which lay dormant within the Elves.

Unhappy and disturbed by this turnaround, the Dwarves instantly started complaining and arguing for reparations to be done to them and their future kin. They demanded land, housing and, most importantly, food. In return they offered nothing but the willingness to settle any future disputes that may arise between the original races. Elves, Halflings and Orcs, completely caught off guard by the complaints of their supposed representatives, agreed to the terms that they were given.

The Trolls:

While the world was busying itself with Dragons, Orcs, Elves, Halflings and whatever. The remaining Zogg, as dumb and clueless as they were, slowly began to force their evolution. Like constipated sloth, their evolutionary process took ages. None of the remaining Zogg knew how to dig or talk or pretty much anything. All these creatures were capable of was waddling, groaning and saying ‘zogg’ or ‘AHHH!’ Forgotten by their descendants and constantly hunted by the remaining Dragons, the Zogg began to learn how to hide and form small pockets of communities. Getting together in caves and the deep, dark, forgotten corners of the world, Zogg started to become bigger, angrier and maybe a tad insane. The last bit is, of course, debatable.

After many centuries their population began to grow, and they began calling themselves Trolls. Living in small communities and isolated from the world, the Trolls only could rely on themselves. They have become notorious for stealing food, robbing travelers and eating some things that other races, including Dragons, would consider quite inappropriate.

It wasn’t until much later that the Trolls began to come out of hiding and offering their strength to others in exchange for food, clothes, shelter and weaponry. Trolls had a strange appreciation for money, which was actually invented by the Goblins as a ingenious way to bring them into the forefront of economical growth.  More to the point, the Trolls didn’t understand it. None of them grew up using it, and thus, to them, a small circular object was of less worth than a good sturdy loin cloth, even if said circular object could purchase twenty loincloths and a pair of shoes, it was still deemed to be of less value than the latter.

The Humans:

Time passed and the Dragons were starving. With all the new races sprouting up, they didn’t know what they could or could not eat. They couldn’t eat the Elves because that’d be wrong. They couldn’t eat the Dwarves because that’d be weird and probably disgusting. By extension the Orcs and the Halflings presented a moral dilemma because of the Dwarves.

Desperate for a solution, the Elves and the Dragons worked diligently to find a way out. Spells were flung, gadgets were created and all manner of shrubbery was tested for consumption. This period in history was called The Madness. During this period the world changed. New races and species sprouted up everywhere. A creature could wake up one morning, and see a brand new species sitting outside of their house, eating their food. Magic became stronger and more commonplace. With all the simple spells exhausted, the experiments were harsher, more intense. They began to require more and more ingredients. And when they backfired, the results were catastrophic.

During The Madness the Dragons discovered transformation. This was the one spell that, arguably, saved the Dragon race. The Dragons that mastered the spell were able to transform themselves into a never before seen creature. They began to call the form Human. It was a very simple contraption when compared to some of the already existing races. Humans were not as strong as the Orcs, they weren’t as agile as the Elves, they weren’t as small as the Halflings, and certainly weren’t as good looking as the Dwarves. This form was not meant to be a separate race. The Dragons used it as means of preservation. The Human form required a lot less sustenance in order to survive. So if the daddy Dragon didn’t bring back a big enough dinner to feed his family, it’d probably be a good idea to turn into Humans for a night or two until more food became available.

The problem became that more and more Dragons began to rely on this form to survive and to thrive. As time passed, some Dragons had stayed in their form for so long that they forgot how to return to their original selves. As more and more Dragons forgot themselves, the form of a Human became known as the Human race.

The Dracolians:

As previously stated, there were a lot of experiments during the period known as The Madness. The last page in the Dragon history was about to turn and the book was about to be closed when the few remaining Dragons discovered one of their most powerful spells. Soul Transference was a technique unlike any other. It granted the caster eternal immortality, transferring their essence from a dying body into that of a newborn. During the transfer, a lot of information was lost, but the being remained intact. The latent power to transform into a Dragon remained forever engrained, no matter what being the soul transferred into. The spell also had one absurdly powerful property. It had the ability to ascend. Once ascended, the soul retained all their memories of previous lifetimes, all their abilities, and skills. Unfortunately, with each death, the soul had a smaller and smaller chance for ascension. The ancient Dragons who used this Soul Transference spell became known as Dracolians.

The Gnomes:

The Gnomes are the only creatures that derived from an actual vegetable. How it happened? No one actually knows for sure. Many claim that it happened during The Madness. A spell gone awry or something along those lines.  Truth be told, Gnomes were originally radishes. Sure, they deny this, but the fact stands. It’s not ordinary, but it was absolutely magical that a vegetable could suddenly grow extremities and a brain.

One glorious, especially bright morning, the earth shook and small bodied, big headed creatures leapt out of the soil where they were planted not too long ago. Naturally they were all naked and completely unaware of their surroundings.  The farmers, especially the ones who witnessed the phenomenon, cursed and grumbled about the ruined crops and the grotesque nature of their new neighbors.  The children cried. The horrors of a naked Gnome were not something easily forgotten. These horrors tormented and haunted the children’s’ dreams for months to come. Many families missed dinner that evening. Sure, it was quite unfortunate then, but the Gnomes have proven themselves through the course of history time and time again as somewhat intelligent and resourceful creatures. So, did it work out in the end?  Probably?  Depends on who you ask.

The Goblins:

The Goblins’ origins are shrouded in mystery.  The rumor has it that these mysterious creatures arrived to the world originally known as Zogg from the same crops as the Gnomes.  Some say that they have derived from onions, others claim from that the Goblins were mutated from fertilizer.  Regardless of their true origin, the race of Goblins had proven to be clever and wickedly cunning.  Though their population is the second lowest in the world, they make up for that with their aptitude with gadgetry and all sorts of alchemical innovations.

 

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