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Endgame

Someone recently asked me: “Serge what is your endgame?”  I was very confused by the question.  Obviously, my endgame is to be rich and famous, living on top of a mountain in Tibet.  I will own a twelve story mansion with my family.  I will have high speed internet access and American cable.  I want to own a llama, a motorcycle, a photo studio, a martial arts dojo, and seventeen 120 inch televisions.  The temperature of the mansion will adjust pending on my mood.  I won’t even get into my preferences for a computer system.  Let’s just say I want to own Skynet (this is for those Terminator fans out there).  After spending another half an hour listing my end of life requirements, I was rather rudely interrupted.  What the person actually meant was my endgame for my role as a photographer.  I don’t see how the above things don’t apply but fine.

My endgame for me as a photographer is not to sell out.  It also includes an overwhelming desire to not run out of creativity, passion and drive.  Like any artist I want my work not to go unnoticed or underappreciated.  It is my dream to be able to be a photographer as my career and doing what I love for a living.  But sometimes I wonder if that is actually possible.

Oscar Wilde had a great quote: “Everything in moderation, including moderation.”  What I am trying to say is that I do not know if I would enjoy photography the same way if it was something that I relied on in order to sustain my family and myself.  I believe that in that particular situation you do not work on your own terms.  You have to take jobs that you normally wouldn’t simply because you need the money.  And suddenly you see your passion turn just into another job.  You wake up groggy, shop for caffeine in Costco on a weekly basis, and finding yourself thinking about the awesome green lawn on the other side of the fence.

Despite everything I still find myself desperately wishing for that life.  I want to see one of my photographs on a cover of a magazine.  I want to grab my camera every morning and go have fun rather than go to work.  I want to sit back in an armchair of my own studio and look at the walls that display my life’s work.  So I will desperately strive to reach my goal as a photographer.  The other one would be great too, but one thing at a time.